Let Him Lead
A Message on Divine Order in Marriage
In 2005, my husband and I went to church very late. We had been having a long conversation that lead over into the time of service as we were actually talking about leaving this church for various reasons. When we walked into service, the pastor was calling for everyone to go to the altar. When we got to the altar, we immediately fell to our knees.
The Holy Spirit began to deal with me right then as I heard Him CLEARLY say "LET HIM LEAD". I listened to everything else the Spirit said, but that first statement stood out to me the most and I knew He was saying to let my husband lead in our marriage. But when I talked to my husband, I instead told him that the Holy Spirit said to let HIM lead - as in let the Holy Spirit lead us - which was NOT what the Holy Spirit meant.
So as time went on, I was trying to call all the shots in our marriage. And that was because I was more college educated than my husband so I would really act as if I knew it all. I had had a few businesses that had been successful, had known and met many successful people, had also been away to college on full scholarship and could also easily recognize business scams that my husband thought were legit. So in my mind, I was much smarter than my husband, so I felt that I needed to make the bulk of the decisions. My husband would say something and I would always find a way to make what he said even better, like it was my idea.
The thing was I wasn’t quite aware that I was doing that. I didn’t realize I was really undermining his authority as my head. I felt since I had more experience in so many things that he should listen to me and not make any decisions unless he talked to me. (SMH)
But see this is what I love about God. God made husbands the head no matter their upbringing, their financial history or their educational background. Whether they have a job or not; whether they are successful or not; whether they are the most intelligent or not; it doesn’t matter because when they become husbands, they still obtain FAVOR from the Lord and are the heads in the marriage.
|The foolish thinking of those who claim to submit|
to their husbands, yet really still try to control them.
In 2008 when I went to my husband about him leading, I heard the Holy Spirit say it again and yet I STILL did not take heed. In 2010, I met two older wives in the Lord who mentor me now. It was when I would talk to them that I realized I was not submitting to my husband but that I had been subtly trying to get him to submit to me. I was in rebellion plain and simple.
So in early 2011 when I gave my husband a well thought out plan on what we should do after he lost his job, he rejected it. I was floored. Normally he pretty much went with what I came up with, but not this time. Though it was pretty obvious that he should go with my plan, he came up with his own and needless to say, it did not work just like I thought it would not. I was beyond upset, he felt terrible and there our struggles started.
But I did not realize that God was reconstructing our marriage to be what He had meant for it to be. I did not understand that God was not only pruning us, but testing our faith in Him and in our marriage. I did not realize that God was doing a NEW THING in us, but THE SAME THING He does to all marriages that are His; which is purge us so that we can bear more fruit (John 15:2 )! In 2011, everything I thought was right turned out to be terribly wrong. Even now as I write this, the Holy Spirit is revealing more as to why everything happened the way it did.
- God showed me that He had been warning me since 2005 to LET MY HUSBAND LEAD. I knew within my spirit that’s what God was talking about, but I kept lying to myself and rejecting God’s Truth.
- God wanted my husband to lead no matter if I agreed because God has a divine order for marriages. And even though my husband is to love me as Christ loves the Church, he does not submit to me but to Christ. And the Lord began to show him that every time my husband went against Christ and did what I said, we would have “the Fall” in our marriage instead of the redemption of Christ. (Remember Adam went with Eve's decision and disobeyed God).
- God also showed us BOTH that it is HE WHO PROVIDES ALL WE NEED, not my husband. Because every door that we thought would open for us in order for him to get another job was closed. So we had NO CHOICE but to endure.
- Either I was going to submit to my husband IN EVERYTHING, or be disobedient and out of the will of God in my life and in my marriage. And disobedience is a price I cannot afford to pay.
My husband did not go with my decision even though he really FELT that he should have. That also was a part of the plan because God wanted my husband to be led by the Spirit and not his "FEELINGS". But his decision was poor so how did that help anything? God showed me that it was actually not a poor decision but a decision to WAKE US UP! Especially ME!
So let’s go back to those two older wives in the Lord. It was during this time that they encouraged me a GREAT deal. I would call them, cry and pour my heart out about how I was angry with my husband and they would minister to me like never before with the word of God.
But it was ALL IN HIS PLAN which is why God placed them in my lives. And he also placed two older husbands in the Lord in my husband’s life as well. God knew we BOTH needed the men and women of Titus 2 to help us get through what God had to do in our marriage. Because in the end, it’s not about us it’s about God and doing His Will.
So all of this came from me trying to be what I was not made to be. That is why I say it takes the Holy Spirit to submit to a fallible man. But I got it. I got that I am to play the role of “The Church” in the marriage and the church submits to Christ IN EVERYTHING! My husband is to play the role of Christ in the marriage and he is the Head and is to love me as Christ loves The Church. So yes I got it now! And I will not go back to what I was before; A woman who TALKED submission but did not WALK submission.
But today I can honestly say with the peace of God, that I am totally submitted to my husband (placing myself under his authority) as unto the Lord. THANK YOU LORD! For loving me enough to take me through all of this to get your point across instead of letting me stay in my rebellion and disobedience! He loves me because he chastens those He Love. #SoGladHeLovesMeEnoughtoCorrectMe
Wives just remember no matter how much smarter you think you are than your husbands or if you think you can make better decisions than him, don't forget our husbands are our Heads REGARDLESS! Just know that we are HELP MEETS, NOT HEADS so, "LET HIM LEAD"!
1 Cor 11:3, "But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God".
Heb 12:6, "For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth".