Monday, February 6, 2012

Let Him Lead

The following article was written by Truly Faithful Ministries and I wanted to share here in case it blesses others.

Let Him Lead

A Message on Divine Order in Marriage

In 2005, my husband and I went to church very late.  We had been having a long conversation that lead over into the time of service as we were actually talking about leaving this church for various reasons.  When we walked into service, the pastor was calling for everyone to go to the altar.  When we got to the altar, we immediately fell to our knees.

The Holy Spirit began to deal with me right then as I heard Him CLEARLY say "LET HIM LEAD".  I listened to everything else the Spirit said, but that first statement stood out to me the most and I knew He was saying to let my husband lead in our marriage. But when I talked to my husband, I instead told him that the Holy Spirit said to let HIM lead - as in let the Holy Spirit lead us - which was NOT what the Holy Spirit meant.

So as time went on, I was trying to call all the shots in our marriage.  And that was because I was more college educated than my husband so I would really act as if I knew it all.  I had had a few businesses that had been successful, had known and met many successful people, had also been away to college on full scholarship and could also easily recognize business scams that my husband thought were legit.  So in my mind, I was much smarter than my husband, so I felt that I needed to make the bulk of the decisions.  My husband would say something and I would always find a way to make what he said even better, like it was my idea.

The thing was I wasn’t quite aware that I was doing that.  I didn’t realize I was really undermining his authority as my head. I felt since I had more experience in so many things that he should listen to me and not make any decisions unless he talked to me. (SMH)

But see this is what I love about God.  God made husbands the head no matter their upbringing, their financial history or their educational background. Whether they have a job or not; whether they are successful or not; whether they are the most intelligent or not; it doesn’t matter because when they become husbands, they still obtain FAVOR from the Lord and are the heads in the marriage.

The foolish thinking of those who claim to submit
to their husbands, yet really still try to control them.
Even though at that time I would TALK submission, I would not WALK SUBMISSION.  Because my fruit showed that I felt whoever was the more astute with certain things or the smarter one should make the FINAL decisions.  So in 2006 shortly after we had our first child, I heard the Holy Spirit again say “LET HIM LEAD”.  I even wrote it down and dated it as being that “WE” need to let the Holy Spirit lead us. Which to me meant to tell my husband what we should do and try to manipulate him with my smarts into doing what I believed was best.

In 2008 when I went to my husband about him leading, I heard the Holy Spirit say it again and yet I STILL did not take heed.  In 2010, I met two older wives in the Lord who mentor me now.  It was when I would talk to them that I realized I was not submitting to my husband but that I had been subtly trying to get him to submit to me.  I was in rebellion plain and simple.

So in early 2011 when I gave my husband a well thought out plan on what we should do after he lost his job, he rejected it.  I was floored.  Normally he pretty much went with what I came up with, but not this time. Though it was pretty obvious that he should go with my plan, he came up with his own and needless to say, it did not work just like I thought it would not.  I was beyond upset, he felt terrible and there our struggles started.

But I did not realize that God was reconstructing our marriage to be what He had meant for it to be.  I did not understand that God was not only pruning us, but testing our faith in Him and in our marriage.  I did not realize that God was doing a NEW THING in us, but THE SAME THING He does to all marriages that are His; which is purge us so that we can bear more fruit (John 15:2 )!  In 2011, everything I thought was right turned out to be terribly wrong.  Even now as I write this, the Holy Spirit is revealing more as to why everything happened the way it did.
  1. God showed me that He had been warning me since 2005 to LET MY HUSBAND LEAD.  I knew within my spirit that’s what God was talking about, but I kept lying to myself and rejecting God’s Truth.
  2. God wanted my husband to lead no matter if I agreed because God has a divine order for marriages. And even though my husband is to love me as Christ loves the Church, he does not submit to me but to Christ. And the Lord began to show him that every time my husband went against Christ and did what I said, we would have “the Fall” in our marriage instead of the redemption of Christ. (Remember Adam went with Eve's decision and disobeyed God).
  3. God also showed us BOTH that it is HE WHO PROVIDES ALL WE NEED, not my husband. Because every door that we thought would open for us in order for him to get another job was closed. So we had NO CHOICE but to endure.
  4. Either I was going to submit to my husband IN EVERYTHING, or be disobedient and out of the will of God in my life and in my marriage. And disobedience is a price I cannot afford to pay.
But even after all of that I still wondered why we had to go through so much.  Then God showed me that everything was set in order to happen just the way it did to get us (mainly me) to repent.  Remember the 2 older wives in the Lord that I met in 2010?  It was NO ACCIDENT that I met them as God showed me that He sent them to me to TEACH ME HOW TO LOVE MY HUSBAND (Titus 2).  Then I had a dream showing me that my husband would lose his job for no reason and sure enough a month in a half after the dream, my husband lost his job almost exactly how I dreamt it.

My husband did not go with my decision even though he really FELT that he should have.  That also was a part of the plan because God wanted my husband to be led by the Spirit and not his "FEELINGS".  But his decision was poor so how did that help anything?  God showed me that it was actually not a poor decision but a decision to WAKE US UP!  Especially ME!

So let’s go back to those two older wives in the Lord.  It was during this time that they encouraged me a GREAT deal.  I would call them, cry and pour my heart out about how I was angry with my husband and they would minister to me like never before with the word of God.

But it was ALL IN HIS PLAN which is why God placed them in my lives.  And he also placed two older husbands in the Lord in my husband’s life as well.  God knew we BOTH needed the men and women of Titus 2 to help us get through what God had to do in our marriage.  Because in the end, it’s not about us it’s about God and doing His Will.

So all of this came from me trying to be what I was not made to be.  That is why I say it takes the Holy Spirit to submit to a fallible man.  But I got it.  I got that I am to play the role of “The Church” in the marriage and the church submits to Christ IN EVERYTHING!  My husband is to play the role of Christ in the marriage and he is the Head and is to love me as Christ loves The Church.  So yes I got it now!  And I will not go back to what I was before; A woman who TALKED submission but did not WALK submission.

But today I can honestly say with the peace of God, that I am totally submitted to my husband (placing myself under his authority) as unto the Lord. THANK YOU LORD!  For loving me enough to take me through all of this to get your point across instead of letting me stay in my rebellion and disobedience!  He loves me because he chastens those He Love. #SoGladHeLovesMeEnoughtoCorrectMe

Wives just remember no matter how much smarter you think you are than your husbands or if you think you can make better decisions than him, don't forget our husbands are our Heads REGARDLESS! Just know that we are HELP MEETS, NOT HEADS so, "LET HIM LEAD"!

1 Cor 11:3, "But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God".

Heb 12:6, "For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth".


  1. Hmmm where to start..I was a women that talked the talk but did not walk submission..what a mess I had created in 30 years!!!I was taken to a mountain with no running water, no power, in a small little cabin where for two years was shown just what "I" had created in our marriage. All I can say is, get the lesson, repent and know that our God can restore anything and everything! He is a God of miracles. Thank you for this blog site. Some days I read your blog and just cry...its what we are all going through and its the Holy Ghost speaking the same thing to us all. Come Lord Jesus, come for your bride without spot or wrinkle....

  2. Okay Tika, you don't have anything else to say? I'll just let you chew on that one. LOL :-)

  3. Hi Anonymous,

    Nothing harder to swallow then when God lets us see the messes "we" create. I have been there too and it is an ugly thing.

    God can indeed restore and/or renew anything! I am a living witness to that. All I can do is thank Him!

    Yes, Come Lord Jesus!

  4. LOL...naw Mia. Don't have much to say because I believe I got checked by this post. Sometimes I think you post stuff just to get under my skin...LOL...Kidding. I appreciate it thought. I can totally relate to the writer of that article. I feel like I know more in certain areas so I should be the one making decisions in that area. I will defer to Rashid but I will make sure my opinion is heard loud and clear and it BETTER be considered!!!! I have been learning to defer to my husband on some of these issues but not without a grilling first. You know, because I'VE done MY research and I'VE more experience.

    The only experience that matters is experience walking with the Lord and following the leading of His Spirit. I just hate things go awry when something could have been done to avoid it. I even used to pride myself on that fact that I knew stuff before my husband did. You know because I studied and saught God on certain issues and received answers. I would never say it out loud but I would think it in my heart. Sometimes, I still have to fight those thoughts because Rashid will tell me something that God showed him and I might say (or think) humpf...God showed my that 6 months ago but you wouldn't listen to me then. Sad...I know. But I tell you what is doing...I'VE BEEN WRONG QUITE A BIT LATELY. With all my research and expereince...just flat out wrong. How about that for a shut up and let your husband lead.

    We are working on this marriage thing though. Continue to pray for us...that we would allow the Lord's Spirit to shape us into husband and wife joined as one in the Spirit with a wife that knows how to submit for real and a husband that knows how to love his bride as Christ loves The Church.

    Love you!

  5. Post things just to get under your skin??? NO waaaay! Not me! :-)

    I have found that there were many things I thought I knew better than my husband and I have been wrong many times. Jesus is molding each man the way HE sees fit. He does not need us to mold them, because we don't know what they need and we don't know what it is to be a man.

    It boils down to this: either we trust God or we don't. It is not even about trusting our husbands, but about trusting God.

    Do we trust Jesus to be the head of our husbands, as He says that He will be? To guide them by His Holy Spirit?

    Do we trust that Jesus is ordering our husbands' steps, just as He is ordering ours? That He is growing them up to be the men He has designed them to be?

    Do we trust God to work out their imperfections just as He is working out ours? Do we love them enough to be patient as God finishes the work He is completing in them?

    Do we believe that God loves us enough to not give us more than we can bear? To protect us when the decisions are not what He would have for us?

    What makes us think that we have the inside track to God's mind more than our husbands? That God would make man the head, but then bypasses man to make the woman the decision-maker? Mary bore God incarnate, and guess what? God still gave His directions for them through Joseph while he was alive.

    Sometimes even the hard times are needed so that God can teach us His ways and grow us up. Trying to make sure that things are easy peasy or smooth sailing can be a recipe for stunted growth and immaturity in Christ. Let God have His perfect work in us...including our husbands.

    And it is really not about the husband and wife relationship exclusively, but our individual relationships with God.

    We cannot honor God any more than we honor our own husbands. Many people fool themselves by thinking they are obeying God or are so far out there with God, yet they do not even respect the authority God has placed in their home. Such is a delusion (I John 4:20). The relationship between the husband and wife is a picture of the church's relationship to Christ.
    When we try to undermine or usurp that, we are really just trying to be God ourselves.

    It is about giving up God. Getting in line with God where we say, "Not MY will be done Father, but yours." We cannot keep running around trying to do our own will according to our own understanding and still serve God.

    I say, let God be God. :-)

    Of course you guys remain in our prayers.

    Love you too!!!

  6. Listen here Tika, don't make me have to call you young lady!! :-)

    You know I can ramble. The comment was not specifically to you, but merely my general thoughts on the topic. But if any of it rings true to you, then run with it! LOL

  7. Also, please consider. The attitude behind the perspective described in this article is that you know what is best, you have all the answers, you are infallible. The truth is only God is all of those things. It is not about submitting to fallible man, but understanding that we too are fallible. This is why we all need to submit to God and His commands. We must not think more highly of ourselves than we ought.

  8. I agree. With one suggestion, Ladies, we only submit as far as our husbands submit themselves to the will of God.

    Should your husband try to lead you OUT of or AGAINST the revealed will of God this is different.

  9. Hi Anonymous,

    Thank you for adding that, for no man - not even a husband - has authority to lead another into sin.

    It is important to consider that we are called to submit even if the husband is not a believer.

    "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;" I Peter 3:1

    We do not submit based on our own assessment of how well our husbands are following the Lord. We submit to our husbands because we believe and honor God.


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