I believe this is largely due to the fact that people rarely consider or seek God's plan for their lives. It is enough for me to just profess faith in Christ, but then go on living my life the way that I want to live it.
While it should be God who joins people together, it is common for people to run off and simply do what is right in their own eyes. If we do not follow God's plan, then we have no greater assurance of success for our efforts than does one who is not saved. When it comes to marriage, just like many other subjects, those 'in the church' often have the same mindset as in the world.
So when trials come - the "for worse, in sickness, for poorer" times - our true colors come shining through. We can talk about waiting on God for marriage, but what about waiting on God after marriage? Do we trust Him to work out any issues? Do we consider Him faithful to continue molding our spouses (and ourselves) into His image, even through our experiences in life? Do we actually believe that it is God who joined us together (as we professed) or do we simply conclude that we (and God) made a mistake? Faith in God will compel us to prayer and motivate us to patiently wait on God, even when marriages hit hard times. If our level of commitment in marriage ends at the point where "I" am being put out, then we have never understood the covenant of marriage to begin with.
A friend shared with me last year: "Most people who get married are 2 ticks, each assuming the other is a dog. Their intention is to take, take, take...and when the well runs dry, they say, 'We just don't love each other anymore.' No marriage will last or be truly happy without a continuous pattern of selflessness."
That is what is missing from most marriages, including Christian ones: selflessness...or in other words Christ. If Jesus Christ is not the center of our lives, then our motivation in every endeavor (including marriage) will be selfish; and we will reap the tragic results of such fruit.
When I got married, someone gave us a wonderful plague which reads:
In Turning From A Spirit of Whoredoms and Biblical Manhood, we talked about how critical it is for our young people to be given a biblical view of relationships and marriage. How important it is for them to understand that - if it is God's plan for you to marry - then He is already preparing you for your spouse. As in all things, we don't need to test the waters but simply to follow the lead of the Spirit.Marriage takes three to be complete;
It's not enough for two to meet
They must be united in love
By love's Creator God above.
A marriage that follows God's plan
Takes more than a woman and a man.
It needs a oneness that can be
Only from Christ - marriage takes three.
By Beth Stuckwisch
So I am sharing one young woman's testimony of how her perspective of relationships is changing as God renews her mind to see herself - and her life - through His eyes first. While an excerpt from her article is posted below, please click on this link to view it in its entirety: I Will Wait For You
Having sex? Has to be one of the most beautiful things in the Lord.
How about just cuddling? Can’t be much without the Lord.
Saying I love you and meaning it? Impossible if we are outside of the Lord.
Being loyal? Unheard of if we have no loyalty to the Lord.
Being changed from the old cheater/liar? Insane if we hadn’t been made new in the Lord.
Read more at I Will Wait For You.
LD, love your blog. Been following for months.
ReplyDeleteLet me share my heart with you about this topic for a second. Can you give me some advice?
Here's what I'm struggling with: the temptation to compromise and not continue to "wait" comes when I see so many Christian couples where one or the other was not a believer at the time of dating, yet one gets saved afterward, and they go on to have nice families, and everything still seems to work out fine for them. I know that when considering a marriage partner, compromise is a dangerous ground to tread (like it is in all matters), because I know some couples in which the other spouse DID NOT come to the Lord, and their marriage is suffering. I see, however, both types around me, those where the unbelieving spouse comes to the Lord, and it does work out, and those where is does not.
When I look around at biblical couples I really look up to (holy, fruitful, living in truth) the interesting thing is that, in most cases, when they were dating, one person was saved and the other was not. Yet they continued to date the person, marry them, and somewhere between dating or after marriage the other spouse becomes a believer. Or, I know couples who "thought" their spouse was saved (good deeds, going to church, etc) yet after marriage the person confesses "I never really knew the Lord." This is even true of men I know who have great discernment, such as Paul Washer. His wife, Charo Washer, examined herself during one of his sermons (after they were married), and saw her lostness, confessing to living a life of playing religion (watch it here http://youtu.be/7_VtvHMJpiU) . She later came to the Lord. Praise God! But I thought to myself, how did someone so mature, like Paul Washer, not discern that while dating? (Not saying he is above mistakes; however, you get my point).
Now, I want to make this point clear: NEVER compromise obedience to God, regardless of what other Christians do. When Peter asked Jesus "What about him, Lord?" in reference to how John would die, the Lord told him to take his eyes off other people's lives, and "as for YOU, Peter, YOU follow me." (John 21: 20-22).
And I hope my comment does not send some erroneous or mixed message that it is permissible to compromise; no, I would NEVER want to undermine the authority of scriptures like that. If you discern that it could, THEN PLEASE DONT POST THIS COMMENT; I don't want an immature believer to take this comment as licensure. And I never want to abuse Him by letting the grace that He shows some be a reason for me to disoby or bend scriptures thinking that "i can compromise and be ok too." No, something about that type of rationale seems to abuse His grace.
But it is an honest question: what other advice can you give me when the "waiting" gets difficult, especially when you see those with formely unbelieving spouses, who came to the Lord after marriage, and they seem to turn out ok? Thanks.
Hi Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteI've seen the video with Paul Washer's wife. While I have much respect for him, I wonder how much of that testimony is influenced by their erroneous doctrinal position on OSAS. I touched on this a little in the article "Am I Saved?".
Bottom line, not believing that one can fall away from the faith (or that we have certain responsibilities for staying/growing in the faith) causes one to make hard & fast (and oftentimes false) conclusions about who is/is not saved. Was she really never saved? Maybe she just didn't do what was necessary to grow in the Lord? Or maybe she became backslidden at some point? Either way, that is not really what you are speaking of, but I just wanted to address that.
As someone who married while unsaved, I would just like to reiterate that God says not to be unequally yoked for a reason. No matter what happens for others, we cannot expect God's blessing when we willingly rebel against His word to cater to our own desires.
In terms of marriage and waiting on God, please take a moment to listen to the following message Time Is Short. I think it gets to the heart of your question.
These are the last days and God has a work for you to do - whether you ever marry. As hard as this may be to accept, my advise would be to live for the Lord. Devote yourself to Him and all that you should have will be given to you. Furthermore, you will find your joy and fulfillment in Him regardless.
God bless & encourage you!
People have been sending me this video for the longest and I have never watched it UNTIL NOW! How beautiful! This video made me want to start over and wait! Lol! Thanks for sharing this and I totally agree! :-)
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