Saturday, January 21, 2012

Hey BFF!

I remember growing up and having "best friends".  I really didn't think much about it at the time. Yet at its heart, I can remember the depth of feeling that often went along with it.

It was like a claim of ownership & possession was being established in a sense of 'you belong to me'.  You were being set apart with and for the other person in an exclusive relationship to which others were not privy.  They were the ones to whom you were to share your deepest, darkest secrets. There was even an unspoken pressure to think alike.  It was as if we had to have the same mind. 

There were also certain obligations associated with being a "best friend".  You had to think of them first before any other when it comes to where to go, what to do, and with whom to hang out.  It was their opinion you would seek on what to wear and whom to date.  You also had to make the status of your relationship obvious to others through public demonstration such as always being seen together, wearing similar clothes and hairstyles, etc. 

Overall, the "best friend" was expected to be always on your side, always supportive, and always there for you.  They provided a sense of acceptance, validation, and dependability in life when there is so much unknown. 

After elementary school however, I just outgrew the need for a "best friend", preferring instead to just float among different groups of friends.  For me personally, I found such relationships too restrictive.

These days however, the BFF (best friends forever) craze has taken a life of its own...and I am speaking of primarily girls.  Everything evolves around having a BFF or who is your BFF.  I was even told last week that it is common for girls to call BFFs their wives; even updating Facebook statuses to indicate that they are married to their "wife" (BFF).

While initially shocked by these things, it makes perfect sense upon reflection.  While we didn't call each other wife, that is often what we were setting up in our "best friend" relationships from childhood.   What is wrong with just being friends?  Even being good friends? 

Even older women can have BFFs whom they are closer with than their own husbands.  I can remember grown woman BFFs saying to each other, "Men may come and go, but best friends are forever."   It is not uncommon for such persons to desire to spend more time with their BFF than with their husband, going out at night, going on vacations together, etc.  I am just not sure that the BFF connotation is as innocent, healthy, or normal as it can appear on the surface.  

The following article is from a young lady's blog entitled, "Never Too Young For Jesus Christ" as she delves into what God revealed to about BFFs and how our closet friend should be Jesus.  This is not just words or religious speak.  Can you honestly say that Jesus is your best friend or are you leaning on others in a way you should only lean on Him?

Our earthly friendships say more about us and our affections than we may know.  As stated in the video in her post:

"You tell me who your friends are and I will tell you exactly who you are or who you are about to become."


  1. We have to know our real friends, and our real friend is JESUS CHRIST! :)

  2. Ohhh ohh ohhh, such a great blog lol! It brought back so many memories for me; when I was a preteen I had a group of friends, and if we knew the phrase BFF then that's probably what I would have called them. They were my so-called best friends then, but after I left home and started traveling we lost touch and never regained that connection.

    Today I was out with my husband and he asked me, "Am I your best friend" and he laughed when I said no. Then he asked me who was, my response was "Jesus is my best friend because he's a friend unfailing. He doesn't look down on me, he always forgives me without question and he's just good!" He understood completely.

    I love the people who come into my life, but I realize that they are temporary; with Jesus I know that I have a BFF, truly!

    @ Sis. Leya, is that your blog posted? I have sent it to my 15 y/o daughter. Beautiful writing Sis!

    God bless you LDM!

  3. Hello iampastorswife,
    Yes,this is my blog Never to young for Jesus Christ.:)As a 16 year old girl, It was very hard giving up my friends, but in order for me to receive God and to be free,he told me I had to give up everything!
    I completely separated myself,and now I have my own identity and my own "BFF", and its Jesus Christ! :)

  4. It's a good thing to have a best friend (although it shouldn't be a requirement).

    What isn't good is when they start calling each other wives. That's creepy.

    The exclusiveness and loyalty of such relationships can (but doesn't have to) prepare a girl for marriage. But the best girlfriend relationship itself must be platonic in order to be healthy.

    Deep, loving, and platonic relationships are important. People who don't even know they exist are social cripples, even if they have good social skills in other areas. The BBF relationship is one way to have that loving, platonic relationship.

    But when you start talking about it like a marriage, that's unhealthy. Marriage is sexy by it's very nature. The minute you start thinking in those terms, you're skating on think ice as far as lesbianism goes. I'm not saying that if you have talked of your BFF that way, that you have to dump her. But it may be time to put some boundaries on the relationship. Boundaries like NO SEX, and no discussing of the relationship in terms that have a romantic connotation.
    In order to be healthy, and do what God intended such relationships to do, it must be platonic.

  5. Hi Cecilia,

    I hear what you are saying, but I guess I am looking at this from a biblical perspective. From perusing the Scriptures, it is a young girl's relationship to her parents (seeing a Godly example of husband and wife) which prepares her for marriage. Even the thought that a same sex friendship is a training ground for marriage to me sounds inordinate.

    I agree that friendships are healthy. I know of nothing in Scripture that speaks of the importance or even normality of s "best" friend. Is there some Scripture to support what you are saying here or are you just sharing your own personal thoughts?


    1. Now that I think of it, there was the friendship between Jonathon and David. That was between guys, but it's the same idea.

    2. Hi Cecilia,

      Have you been meditating on this for over a year? :-)

      Yes, Jonathan and David had a close friendship, but it is not the same idea of what is described above. It did not mar their personalities or seek to merge them into one character. It did not exist to the exclusion of all other relationships. It was not perverted.

      There can be healthy soul ties and unhealthy soul ties. The following message may shed more light on this.

      Soul Ties - Part 1
      Soul Ties - Part 2

      God Bless!

  6. it is really interesting that i found this blog entry just now. i was just starting to feel guilty again...i know that my former friend and i are on entirely different paths, even my husband says so...but for some reason, i feel guilty about not wanting to continue our "friendship" anymore. i agree with ms. leya's post...being around people may cause you to revert to previous behaviors and thoughts, and i just don't want that anymore. i want to live for the Lord. the guilt is really hurting, me though.

    thank you for this post. it was very honest and encouraging. :)

  7. To Latter Days Ministries: It was my personal thoughts.


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